The Twelve Days of Hogwarts
by Ri-kun
Summary: 6th Year. As punishment for turning Snape into a hemaphrodite, Harry and Ron must put on a special performance for the Christmas celebration. One shot, and not a part of the Daughter of Darkness storyline.


The Twelve Days of Hogwarts

_By Ri-kun_

Harry Potter shuffled uncomfortably in his seat as Professor McGonagal glared down at him from her vantage point behind her office desk. Next to him, his best friend and accomplice Ron Weasley looked visibly sick. Harry couldn't blame him. It was really his fault that they were here in the first place. And yet, at the time, it had seemed like such a perfect idea. Besides, Snape had _really_ been asking for it this time. Though, he doubted his head of house would see it that way. Still, it could have been worse. Snape had wanted desperately for them to be handed over for him to decide what their punishment would be. For whatever reason, Professor Dumbledore had stepped in and stated that, as the head of Gryffindor, it was up to Minerva McGonagal to hand out their just reward. Thinking back to the look on Snape's face, such as it was, Harry let out a small chuckle.

"I'm glad you seem to find your situation so amusing, Mr. Potter!" McGonagal said sternly.

Harry quickly adopted an expression of remorse, hoping that it was convincing enough. If Professor McGonagal was affected by it, however, she didn't let on. "I'll have you know, Mr. Potter, that the particular charm you and Mr. Weasley were attempting to affect Professor Snape with is highly dangerous if used as a practical joke! As it stands, it will be several days before, Professor Snape will revert back to his normal state."

"Couldn't you just... transfigure him back, or something," Ron asked, speaking up for the first time.

Professor MrGonagal silenced him with a glare, but then her features softened slightly. "I only wish I could, Mr. Weasley. Unfortunately, since you and Mr. Potter managed to botch the ritual, any intervention on my part would only serve to make things much worse. Something that Professor Snape can't afford right now!"

"Professor," Harry spoke up. "Just so you know, it was my idea in the first place. Ron, really didn't have a whole lot to do with it."

"Be that as it may, Mr. Potter, both of you will have to face what you've done. No matter whose idea it was, the fact remains that you both will be punished."

Ron gulped then, and Harry wished for the umpteenth time that he'd kept his friend out of it. Ron already looked as though he might crack any second now. "Now then," Professor McGonagal said. "Since the two of you seem to have so much free time on your hands, I think we should see if we can't put it to better use!"

Harry and Ron both looked up at her. "How?" Ron asked.

McGonagal looked at him. "Firstly, both you and Potter will spend the rest of this term term in detention. Every single night of the week!"

"Every?!" Ron squeaked, his voice cracking.

"Yes," McGonagal replied flatly. "Every. Including weekends, until the start of the spring term! Also..."

"Also?" Harry dared to ask.

Professor McGonagal smiled then, sending shivers down his spine. _Oh, bugger_! Harry thought. _This couldn't be good!_

"I cannot believe you both talked me into doing this!" Hermione grumbled for the ninth time that evening. "You both should have had to do this entire thing by yourselves. It would serve you both right!"

"We know, Hermione," Ron said, angrily. "You've made that clear who knows how many bloody times already! But there's no way we could have done this by ourselves."

"Thanks Hermione," Harry said. "We owe you one."

"You both owe me a good deal more than that by now," she retorted. "Mind you, I still wish I hadn't let you copy my homework."

Harry sighed. In truth, he knew she was right. But between classes, Quidditch practice, the Defence Association meetings, detention with Filch, and of course planning this whole fiasco, there simply hadn't been time for anything else. Even studying! In the end, Hermione had caved in and 'helped' them. In her own words, she couldn't stand to watch them make fools of themselves and fail every single course. Harry, being Harry, had always assumed that their sixth year would be easier, what with the O.W.L.s behind them and all. Somehow, though, everything just kept getting harder and harder. Snape, naturally, being no exception. As though he could read Harry's mind, Ron spoke up then.

"I still say the greasy old git got what he deserved! Especially after what he did to Neville in the middle of class!"

"That doesn't excuse anything, Ron," Hermione replied.

"How can you say that, Hermione?" Ron spat.

"Yeah," Harry added. "Especially after what he did to you next. The first time Neville made it through one of Snape's classes without messing up, and he goes off the deep end about him cheating!"

"And then, he had the nerve to accuse you of helping you," Ron added. "Giving both of you T's was it for me and Harry."

Hermione actually looked proud of them for a spit second. "Thanks," she said softly. "But from now on, no matter what he does, don't go getting into trouble because of me."

"Me either," Neville said, coming up behind them. "I'm just not worth it."

All three turned to him. "Of course you are, Neville," Harry told him. "Thanks for helping us out."

"It was the least I could do," Neville replied.

"Is everyone else ready?" Hermione asked him.

"Yeah," he said. "I think so. We're all waiting for your signal."

Harry took a deep breath to calm his nerves. "Okay, guys! It's showtime!"

As they made their way down towards the Great Hall, Harry watched as Ron leaned in towards Neville. "Say," he heard Ron whisper. "I still think Snape looked sorta fetching with those boobs, don't you?"

There was an excited chatter coming from the Great Hall. Everyone could hear it from behind the curtain. "Everybody ready?" Harry asked. The whole choir, such as they were, nodded in unison. Hermione then stepped forward with her wand raised. Quite possibly the biggest obstacle he and Ron had faced when Professor McGonagal had handed them this project as part of their punishment was the simple fact that none of them could sing on key. In fact, none of them could sing, period! It had truly seemed hopeless, until Hermione had come forward with a brilliant solution. According to her, the Harmonious Charm would affect all of their voices and blend them together perfectly. So long as no one sang out of turn, they would be fine. Of course, Hermione had to find the spell just a few days before opening night, so there had been no time to test it properly! Still, she seemed confident that it would work. Sweating through his Hogwarts robes, Harry watched as Hermione gave an elaborate wave and said loudly, "**_Harmoniosa Synchronium_**!"

A bright light shot out of her wand, hovering in mid-air for a moment. Then, without warning, it split into two, then four, and finally twelve pieces. All twelve sparks flew around above their heads, illuminating the area where they stood. Then, each light dove down the throat of each choir member. Harry could feel the spell warming him all the way down to his toes. His throat seemed to grow hot for a second, but not in an unbearable way. Then, it cooled slightly, leaving him feeling warm and strangely calm. Ron, on the other hand, seemed to choke on his for a second before calming down. Hermione swallowed hers last, and put her wand away. Grabbing her sheet music, she took her place in between Harry and Ron. Harry whispered a 'thanks' to her, before nodded at Hagrid standing off in a far corner. Hagrid nodded back at the signal and gave the rope next to him a careful pull. With a mightly 'floosh', the curtain parted, revealing to all twelve of them a rather full audience. For some reason, the majority of students had chosen to remain at school this year. Scanning the crowd, Harry caught sight of Malfoy, along with Crab and Goyle, grinning maliciously at him. Ignoring all three of them, he looked up once at the teachers seat and saw Dumbledore watching them, smiling. Next to him, Snape glared menacing. Harry saw that his face once more resembled that of a male.

Harry opened his mouth and took a deep breath, along with Neville and Dean. The first part belonged to them.

_"On the first day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_A talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

On cue, the Sorting Hat appeared down in front of them, resting atop it's stool. Harry actually breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was going well so far! Now, it was Ginny, Parvati, and Hermione's turn.

_"On the second day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Two magic wands!"_

Down below, two magic wands appeared on the Sorting Hat's stool. Harry, Neville, and Dean quickly jumped in.

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

Now, it was Ron, Seamus, and Collin's turn.

_"On the third day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Three flying broomsticks!"_

Three broomsticks appeared in mid-air and began zooming around the room, buzzing several students out in the audience as they flew by.

_"Two magic wands..." _Ginny, Parvati, and Hermione sang out.

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!" _Harry, Neville, and Dean finished.

Luna, Padma, and Lavender sang out next.

_"On the fourth day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Four angry dragons!"_

Four angry dragons appeared behind them, roaring loudly. Several people in the audience screamed loudly. Hagrid, on the other hand, looked enrapured!

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_ Ron's group sang.

_"Two magic wands.."_ the girls sang next.

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_ Harry and his group finished. It was their turn again!

_"On the fifth day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_FIVE YEARS TO STUDY FOR O.W.L.s!"_

A hailstorm of books from every subject the school had to offer rained down out of the sky all around them.

_"Four angry dragons..."_

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_

_"Two magic wands..."_

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

Harry felt his throat go dry, but he kept on. They were not quite halfway through now. Ginny, Hermione, and Parvati had their turn again now.

_"On the sixth day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Six wailing ghosts!"_

All four house ghosts, along with Peeves and Moaning Murtle, floated out from the walls, howling at the top of their lungs. Getting the four house ghosts to participate had been fairly easy. Peeves had only agreed to do it when Ron had pointed out that all the students in the Great Hall would make easy targets. Moaning Murtle had been even more difficult, relenting finally when Hermione had told her how her wailing was sure to make everyone too depressed to thoroughly enjoy the holidays. Harry had privately agreed with her.

_"FIVE YEARS TO STUDY FOR O.W.L.s!"_

_"Four angry dragons..."_

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_

_"Two magic wands..."_

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

_On the seventh day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Seven years of homework!_

Parchment fluttered down from above, passing through the ghosts (who were still wailing away over the sound of their magically-powered singing) and getting swept aside by the flying broomsticks. Harry laughed as one parchment plunged downward towards Malfoy and gave him a rather nasty papercut right across the cheek.

_"Six wailing ghosts..."_

_"FIVE YEARS TO STUDY FOR O.W.L.s!"_

_"Four angry dragons..."_

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_

_"Two magic wands..."_

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

It was the other girls turn to sing again. Harry only hoped Luna didn't try to improvise again like she had before during practice! Hermione had heard just about all she could about the Crumpled Snorlak, or whatever it was.

_On the eighth day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Eight games of Quidditch!"_

Eight sets of Quidditch balls suddenly flew out from somewhere behind the angry dragons, who didn't appear pleased at their arrival. Harry hoped that everyone had figured out that the dragons at least were part of an illusion charm. The bludgers, however, were not, and seemed to be in battle with the broomsticks over who would have supremacy of the Great Hall's airspace.

_"Seven years of homework..."_

_"Six wailing ghost..."_

_"FIVE YEARS TO STUDY FOR O.W.L.s!"_

_"Four angry dragons..."_

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_

_"Two magic wands..."_

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

_Almost there_! Harry thought, taking a deep breath to sing his part.

_"On the ninth day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Nine months of test!"_

Nine exams fluttered down to join with the books and other parchment that lay scattered all over the floor. Malfoy, Harry saw, seemed particularly nervous at the mention of this. He could see that the bleeding from his facial wound hadn't stopped yet. Smiling, he went on singing with everyone else.

_"Eight games of Quidditch..."_

_"Seven years of homework..."_

_"Six wailing ghosts..."_

_"FIVE YEARS TO STUDY FOR O.W.L.s!"_

_"Four angry dragons..."_

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_

_"Two magic wands..."_

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

_They were almost there now_, Harry thought, breathing deeply. Just one more, and it would be finally over with!

_"On the tenth day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Ten suits of armor!"_

Predictably, ten suits of armor appeared out of nowhere.

_"Nine months of tests..."_

_"Eight games of Quidditch..."_

_"Seven years of homework..."_

_"Six wailing ghosts..."_

_"FIVE YEARS TO STUDY FOR O.W.L.s!"_

_"Four angry dragons..."_

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_

_"Two magic wands..."_

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

"Are any of these gifts returnable?" someone from the Ravenclaw table shouted out. A number of people found this funny, but Harry ignored them. They were almost there!

_"On the eleventh day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Eleven stupid trolls!"_

Surprisingly, no one was alarmed by the presence of eleven trolls appearing in the Great Hall. Then again, by now, they were probably used to odd things appearing in front of them. Plus, when you've had one troll show up during a holiday celebration, it looses it's zeal after a while.

_"Ten suits of armor..."_

_"Nine months of tests..."_

_"Eight games of Quidditch..."_

_"Seven years of homework..."_

_"Six wailing ghosts..."_

_"FIVE YEARS TO STUDY FOR O.W.L.s!"_

_"Four angry dragons..."_

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_

_"Two magic wands..."_

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

This was it, Harry thought anxiously. The grand finale! Everyone, even the trolls, were silent now. Down below, the Sorting Hat raised up slightly and opened the little slit in it, breathing in. Softly and gently, it began to sing.

_"On the twelfth day of Christmas, Hogwarts gave to me..._

_Twelve magic potions!"_

Far up at the teacher's table, twelve potion bottles appeared all around Professor Snape, their tops frothing and sparking as though they were on fire.

_"Eleven stupid trolls..."_

_"Ten suits of armor..."_

_"Nine months of tests..."_

_"Eight games of Quidditch..."_

_"Seven years of homework..."_

_"Six wailing ghosts..."_

_"FIVE YEARS TO STUDY FOR O.W.L.s!"_

_"Four angry dragons..."_

_"Three flying broomsticks..."_

_"Two magic wands..."_

_"And a talking Sorting Hat that sings!"_

As they hit the final note, all twelve potions exploded as one. The professors, even Dumbledore, leaped out of the way in shock and surprise. Meanwhile, a loud, angry cry filled the hall, coming from the smoke where Snape had sat. As the vapors cleared, a beautiful woman could be seen, dressed to kill in a tight red dress covered with sequence. The beautiful vixen seemed dazed for a moment, looking herself over. As a look of dawning realization covered her face, she opened her mouth and screamed at the top of her voice.

**_"POTTER!!!! WEASLEY!!!!"_**

The entire Great Hall, even the teachers, burst out laughing at Professor Snape's new look. Harry broke into a smug smile as Snape looked across the room to give him a look of absolute loathing. Leaning forward, he whispered to Hermione, "Thanks so much for the help on those potions, by the way. Ron and I would never have gotten that gender-switching spell right without you!"

"No problem," Hermione answered, admiring her handiwork. "That should teach him to accuse me of cheating!"

Ron then leaned towards them, and whispered, "What do you think he'll do to us when he realizes one of those potions was a Mistletoe Kiss spell?"


End file.
